You may be wandering why this is all you have heard from me for the last 6 months…Long story short, I have not allowed myself to post.
Let me explain -My whole life I’ve been a chameleon – not drastic but subtle….. Last year, God revealed to me that I “perform” as a living.
so you will like me.
so you will think I’m okay.
because it’s comfortable.
to prove my worth to you, to God, and to myself.
because I don’t know how not to.
– Emily Freeman “Grace for the Good Girl”
So where have I been? Learning how NOT to perform and instead SURRENDER and simply RECEIVE. (i.e. placing an expectation on myself to post…perform… prove my worth. This is definitely a hard process for this try hard girl I’ve become, but let me tell you.. it’s been quite freeing.)
Freeman goes on to say “I care so much what you think… I desperately want to manage your opinion of me. Nearly everything I do is to convince you I am “good”. If I sense any hint of disbelief on your part that I am good, if it seems your opinion is other than what I wish it to be, it becomes my job to change your mind.”
Here’s another… I just can’t help it… it’s good stuff…
“The shape and intensity of our performance comes down to two things: expectation and definitions. I have the expectation of myself to be
a good girl
a good Christian
a good wife
a good mom.
Not such bad things, until you understand my own personal twisted definition of “good.”
I never mess up.
I weigh the perfect amount.
I can handle everything.
I don’t look like a fool.
I never lose my patience.
My husband will never be disappointed in me
My kids will always obey
and everyone basically likes me.
Good means I am enough. My goodness is all about me. Not only do I want to be all these things, but I want to be them in front of God and everyone. I want to be good and I want you to know it.
– Emily Freeman
Are you ready to buy this book yet??? If you can relate and these quotes speak to you, I encourage you to walk through this book with me! Grace For The Good Girl.
Until next time! No schedule, no performance, no expectations… just simply learning how to surrender and receive.